Dev diary D17: learning to wait

Only post 17, and I feel like I’ve already doubted and examined myself inside out 107 times. Trying to explore a new way of making a living is a bit harder than I imagined.

Though the chicken-soup version would say that if it were too easy, it would be no fun.

A few other bowls of chicken soup I’ve had lately

• At the start of anything, the hardest part isn’t making it work but believing it can
• If a problem can be defined, it has a chance of being solved
• A good PM is hard for AI to replace, because it’s hard to find a standard to measure and describe what makes a PM good

The journey of trying to become an indie developer has so far been one of constantly swinging between “hang on a bit longer” and “cut my losses.” When results disappoint, for now I can’t pick out the cause from the many variables that affect them.

For now I can’t define the problem, so for now I can’t solve it either…

Good thing I added “for now”

This is post 18, but not day 18 of indie development. I’ve shipped two products and I’m gradually building my own workflows and scaffolding, but… none of that changes the fact that I still don’t know whether many of the ways I’m doing things are right, or where I’ve gone wrong…

It’s like walking a road at night alone, slowly. Lots of things are hard to see, and honestly there’s no firm belief inside either. If I had to pick a tiny win, it would be

Everything is still going

That’s a real snapshot of D17

And along the way I really am trying to understand myself better. AI is impressive, no doubt; it can solve many problems in the objective world and come up with the most ingenious solutions. But it can’t know how I feel, can’t sense my confusion and helplessness, can’t tell whether I’m feeling more satisfaction or more anxiety.

And feelings are actually the best signal for moving forward

So many tasks can be outsourced, but life choices are destined to be mine alone.

Not every feeling can be put into words; LLMs have natural limits.

Coming back to myself, maybe the many signals that can’t be decoded will take me where I’m meant to be.

OK, now I’m talking nonsense

The handmade days exist only to balance out the AI-generated content in this record. And I’m torn: should I analyze platform data, trends and user preferences more and adapt more to the market? Or, this early on, should I grow into myself more, record what I think is valuable, and let the act of organizing make output an important part of my learning path?

I don’t know; there’s no answer

I probably lean toward the latter, but I also want to finish Day 100, so it feels like wobbling forward.

In the world below, April’s blossoms have all fallen;

at the mountain temple, the peach trees are just in bloom.

I long lamented that spring had gone without a trace,

not knowing it had come up here instead.

Learning to wait